Dear Diary,
As a rule I have found that the guys that I want don't call but the guys I don't want tend to become obsessed with me. Take the guy I have been kinda talking to lately for example. This week I went straight into a project off the holiday not leaving me time to recover from my New Years Eve Shenanigans. I had a fantastic time with this guy I met over the holiday season. He is really cool but I have not been in the mood to chat on the phone with anyone. So I haven't returned any of his calls. As a result he has been calling me twice as much and of coarse that has been driving me nuts. For example: he called me wed 7:30pm I missed it and went to bed early because I had to be on set crazy early the next day. He called again at 10:20pm, the next morning at 6:47am then again at 10:20am. His messages indicated that he was worried about me because, "it wasn't like me to not call him back." How does he know what I am like? We have only gone out a few times. Anyone who truly knows me knows I am the worst about calling back and I totally go into phone hibernation. He is a complete sweetie but this obsessive calling has put up a definite red flag.
Why is it that the guys I am into do the opposite? Is it that I have a habit of choosing unavailable guys so I don't get hurt? Maybe. I think it is just a result of the chase that men crave so much. The New Year has given me a chance to step back and reflect on this past year's relationships and I have found a common pattern. The guys I blow off become obsessed with me yet the guys I invest time in seem to bail out. Upon this realization I was reminded of some advice I received this past October.
I was helping my friend who is a Soap Star get ready for her wedding when she felt the need to pass down her secrets to me. Now, this girl is definitely beautiful and fantastic but she isn't drop dead gorgeous. However, she has had relationships with a big time Rock Star (7years together), Oscar winners, major producers and other men of high stature. She is what you would call a "man eater." So when I asked her how she does it she gave me her game plan. To my horror I have been using it backwards!
Step one- I have down- confidence. When you meet a guy you need to hold yourself with total and complete confidence. Leave the conversation before it's reached it's natural ending. That way he is left wondering what possibly could be more important than him that you needed to run off to.
Step two- do and say the opposite of what you think and feel. If you want to tell him how much you missed him since your last date- don't! Instead say something like- "Wow, has it already been a whole week? I didn't realize." I know this one sounds pretty wonky and I have a very hard time putting it into action. She is a Gemini and I am a Scorpio. It is in my nature to be and do exactly what I am and feel. Geminis however do this duality with ease because that is what they are all about. But more specifically she was advising against the common practice I call "girling out" You want to send one more text and have the last word not matter what the cost. She advises don't do it. Leave him wanting more and wondering why you didn't respond.
Step three- double book your nights, break plans and meet up at parties instead of having him pick you up. Try and always have your own car with you.
She gave me more specific tips that I will pass to you after I have put them to work. In the mean time these 3 steps are the basics to how she lands and keeps all these amazing men. Basically she advises me to always leave them wanting more. I am %100 confident that I can put this new way of dating into action... For research purposes of coarse.
The thing is- I know this works because I have been doing this all my life unknowingly. But unfortunately it has been with the guys I don't want. No wonder they have become obsessed. So this year I am going to try and put it into action with the guys I do want. Instead of blowing off the ones I don't like I plan to communicate with them that I am not interested and hopefully no one will get hurt in the process. Wish me luck. We'll see how it goes. As usual I promise to report back with my findings.
Love ya'll and Happy Dating!!!
VK
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