Dear Diary,
I love waking up with swollen lips that are plump as a result of good kissing. I love when they are juicy and soft. Lip gloss becomes my best friend. I have had a few bomb days this past week. I had a bomb dropped on me buy a guy I use to see and I found my cute Southern guy to be a bomb kisser. Which one should I start with? A few years ago I use to see someone amazing. He was handsome, strong, funny, smart, tall and an all around great guy. The kid would do anything for me. Unfortunately things between us were complicated. His mom needed help running the family business and he was the only one out of his brothers that could help her. Subsequently the only way we could have a future is if I moved across the country to a tiny town in New England. I entertained the idea for like a second. I flew out and gave it a look. However, within a day I knew that no matter how much I loved him I could never give up everything I have worked towards here in LA just to be someones wife. I am extremely ambitious when it comes to my career and I have immense creativity. I have known since I could walk what I wanted to do and unfortunately for our relationship I need to be in LA to accomplish it. So, as a result I chose to walk away from him and us.
Fast forward to the present. This past week we were talking. He is going though a break up so naturally he thinks coming out to LA for a weekend would help him clear his head. We were discussing it when out of nowhere he dropped this on me "I wish I would have gotten you preggers so you would have had to work things out between the two of us" Wow. First of all, I thought only girls thought like that. Second, what if I had? I would have a 2 1/2 year old kid right now!?! That is insane. I can't even imagine how different my world would be. Looking back though, I know I would never want for anything if I had married him. He would have done his very best to make me happy. But the thing is I don't think that is what it is all about. You need to make yourself happy. You need to find that special thing that you were put here to do. That only you can do. I had someone once say to me something to the effect of; "You should never chase anyone. You should just chase your dreams and let the person of your dreams find you." I like to believe that is the way it is. Can I have a wildly successful career and an amazing man who loves me? Will I ever find him here in Los Angeles? Does it have to be one or the other? Did I make a mistake? I believe that all the fun times and failed relationships have made me who I am. I believe there are no mistakes only lessons.
In the mean time I am content with my bomb ass kissing southern boy. Not the southern boy from before. Although he too was from Tennessee. This is a different one- the transient in my apartment building I spoke about before. Looks like he came around. Not sure where it's going to go with him. But I am sure of one thing. He is a hell of a kisser. I am going to keep on plugging and making my way in this crazy city filled with diminished values and hope that someone fantastic comes my way and that I like him as much as he likes me and that I don't get sick of him after a month. I have a problem with that. In the meantime....
Happy dating!
Hugs and Kisses,
V
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
How to come out of a sticky situation clean.
Dear Diary,
So last weekend I had an interesting situation arise. I am telling this story to give you an example of the proper way to handle what could have easily turned into a shitty situation. I live in an awesome apartment complex that is comparable to the old show on TV called Melrose Place. We have a courtyard in the middle with a sweet pool and grill where we have family meals all the time. Everyone's apartment faces each other forcing us all to be more interactive then your average Hollywood apartment building. As a result we have all come to be pretty tight. We hang out all the time, have big ass pool parties, game nights and often walk up to the bars on Sunset together. One of my gal neighbors and I have become extremely good friends over the last 5 months since she moved in. Good girlfriends are hard to come by in this city so when you find one it's extra special. Since she moved in this guy friend of hers, who she use to date, has been coming around a lot. I have had eyes for him for a while but have never acted on it for fear of rocking the boat. Recently he has moved onto her couch and we have been hanging out more and more becoming friends. He isn't a slacker or anything, it's just his lease was up and he's about to leave town to work on a film. After getting to know her and hearing her talk about him it became apparent that she's over him. So, one night while were all drinking and having game night the two of us started to really vibe. He is tall, cute and into all the same things I am. He is a writer, a film maker and an actor. So, at one point in the night I pull her aside and ask if it was cool that him and I were getting flirty. She says she's completely okay with it and I believe her. The end of the night comes around and the two of us kiss... a bunch. (Me and him not me her. Lady smooching is a story for another time) She was ready to pass out so he went with her to help her make it into her bed (we had been drinking for hours). When he came back he was acting different. Being a little drunk, I assumed that she said something to him causing him to change his mind about the two of us playing kissyface. So, I went up to my apartment and he stayed there. I could have persuaded him to come with me but I didn't. I was just down to make-out and he seemed really cool. I sent her some text messages asking what she had said. I was kinda pissed because I would have hoped she had told me that she wasn't cool with it. Did she lie to me or did she change her mind? But a few moments after I got into bed he sent me a text letting me know it wasn't her it was him. That he just didn't know if it was a good idea to hang out in the romantic way. Mainly because they have a long history and he was staying on her couch. The thing is, if she was fronting at all pretending she was cool with things but really wasn't it would have came out in a bad way making their living situation really shitty. I wasn't crazy smitten over him so it was easy to see the logic in this situation. Her and I spoke the next day and after getting everything out in the open we truly are better friends. The moral of this story is if you put your friendships first and are truly honest things will always work out in your best interest. I went to her first. If I hadn't then things would have been a whole lot different. I also communicated with her how I felt with out being a drunkin bitchface. Knowing that things would be more clear in the light of day.. I feel I am growing as a person and a friend. I have learned a lot of lessons this year and I am grateful for them all.
In the meantime first date with southern boy went good. I have been swamped with work so it was just a quick glass of wine and we have another one this coming weekend. I will keep you posted with the outcome.
Be true to your self and the people you care about.
Happy Dating!!
Love you!
V
So last weekend I had an interesting situation arise. I am telling this story to give you an example of the proper way to handle what could have easily turned into a shitty situation. I live in an awesome apartment complex that is comparable to the old show on TV called Melrose Place. We have a courtyard in the middle with a sweet pool and grill where we have family meals all the time. Everyone's apartment faces each other forcing us all to be more interactive then your average Hollywood apartment building. As a result we have all come to be pretty tight. We hang out all the time, have big ass pool parties, game nights and often walk up to the bars on Sunset together. One of my gal neighbors and I have become extremely good friends over the last 5 months since she moved in. Good girlfriends are hard to come by in this city so when you find one it's extra special. Since she moved in this guy friend of hers, who she use to date, has been coming around a lot. I have had eyes for him for a while but have never acted on it for fear of rocking the boat. Recently he has moved onto her couch and we have been hanging out more and more becoming friends. He isn't a slacker or anything, it's just his lease was up and he's about to leave town to work on a film. After getting to know her and hearing her talk about him it became apparent that she's over him. So, one night while were all drinking and having game night the two of us started to really vibe. He is tall, cute and into all the same things I am. He is a writer, a film maker and an actor. So, at one point in the night I pull her aside and ask if it was cool that him and I were getting flirty. She says she's completely okay with it and I believe her. The end of the night comes around and the two of us kiss... a bunch. (Me and him not me her. Lady smooching is a story for another time) She was ready to pass out so he went with her to help her make it into her bed (we had been drinking for hours). When he came back he was acting different. Being a little drunk, I assumed that she said something to him causing him to change his mind about the two of us playing kissyface. So, I went up to my apartment and he stayed there. I could have persuaded him to come with me but I didn't. I was just down to make-out and he seemed really cool. I sent her some text messages asking what she had said. I was kinda pissed because I would have hoped she had told me that she wasn't cool with it. Did she lie to me or did she change her mind? But a few moments after I got into bed he sent me a text letting me know it wasn't her it was him. That he just didn't know if it was a good idea to hang out in the romantic way. Mainly because they have a long history and he was staying on her couch. The thing is, if she was fronting at all pretending she was cool with things but really wasn't it would have came out in a bad way making their living situation really shitty. I wasn't crazy smitten over him so it was easy to see the logic in this situation. Her and I spoke the next day and after getting everything out in the open we truly are better friends. The moral of this story is if you put your friendships first and are truly honest things will always work out in your best interest. I went to her first. If I hadn't then things would have been a whole lot different. I also communicated with her how I felt with out being a drunkin bitchface. Knowing that things would be more clear in the light of day.. I feel I am growing as a person and a friend. I have learned a lot of lessons this year and I am grateful for them all.
In the meantime first date with southern boy went good. I have been swamped with work so it was just a quick glass of wine and we have another one this coming weekend. I will keep you posted with the outcome.
Be true to your self and the people you care about.
Happy Dating!!
Love you!
V
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